like a rolling stone

4 Jul

I was sitting in Sunday School when a song started playing in my head. I knew I had listened to the song on my iPod a few months earlier, but I couldn’t figure out the song title and artist. All I could hear was a song rewinding over and over, “Oh why so heavy? Oh, my soul.” I haven’t listened to this song in a long time. Why would the song suddenly reappear in my life just then? Somehow, I took this to my heart as a sign, a time for self-reflection, comfort, solitude and peace.

In Sunday School, we talked of Jesus’ life on earth. He didn’t have a perfect life. If He who saved the world didn’t have a perfect life, then who lives the life?

The words, “Oh why so heavy? Oh, my soul” pierced my heart as I silently thought about the burdens I carry. Rage has been and is deep within my blood, boiling bursts until all the steam blows. I’m sure some of the rage could dissipate with learning to forgive, but I’ll be honest. Rage still lives deep within me at this moment. Despite all opposition, I was deep in thought, trying to answer questions, especially the one that asked, “Oh why so heavy? Oh, my soul.” A sigh of relief and an urgency to laugh was my first response. All I wanted to do was just laugh. Was I really creating more misery than necessary?

I don’t hold any of the answers yet. I do, however have this self-revelation overwhelm me with such power. A conversation following Jesus’ life consisted of a message,Β do something in your life prompted such a free spirit, liberating wave of response in me. I want to be like a rolling stone (I used to think Bob Dylan meant like a Rolling Stones band member). At one point in my life, I want to be a touring musician. I don’t care if I never get signed as a musician. I want to play music on a stage, travel around the world and experience the life as a rockstar. Odd as this may seem, I have a good feeling about this. Others probably think I’m strange, but I want to live my dreams. Maybe self-revelation has some value and meaning. I hope I will be able to travel on Robert Frosts’, “The Road Not Taken.”

Note: The song discussed isΒ “Why So Heavy?” by Red Mountain Church (not Gregory Alan Isakov as I thought, but how I love him). I found this song on a NoiseTrade Sampler I downloaded back when NoiseTrade started out. I would like to thank Derek Webb and NoiseTrade for introducing me to all kinds of inspiring and free music.

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